wut

This is going to be the last post where I am hating who I am extensively. Hating everything I've become and everything that has happened to me, at least for a while. I think there's a lot of reason for me to be so self-loathing, but it does need to stop.

Eh, let me edit this later, come to think of it. Right now I just can't.

Well long time since I posted. Quick summation.

- Tax return went to bills and frivolous expenses (car getting towed for parking where I have parked in front of my place since the day I moved in.
- Still waiting on school.
- Lots of wondering if having ambitious goals is even a possibility. And if I have them and they seem like they won't pan out, why bother trying anything. Fuck mediocrity, I won't do it.
- Think I put on some weight, though this is admittedly my fault. Had to stop going to the gym for a while and haven't been running.
- Oh, and yeah, my dad has pancreatic cancer. Not sure how I feel about this yet but I know it's put me at the end of my rope.

here's to opening and upward

here's to opening and upward, to leaf and to sap
and to your(in my arms flowering so new)
self whose eyes smell of the sound of rain

and here's to silent certainly mountains;and to
a disappearing poet of always,snow
and to morning;and to morning's beautiful friend
twilight(and a first dream called ocean)and

let must or if be damned with whomever's afraid
down with ought with because with every brain
which thinks it thinks,nor dares to feel(but up
with joy;and up with laughing and drunkenness)

here's to one undiscoverable guess
of whose mad skill each world of blood is made
(whose fatal songs are moving in the moon

It's about that time... I found this video last year and loved it. Enjoy.

The mystery as to who is putting notes on my car is still underway. I have my suspicions but most of my deductive methods have returned in no clear conclusion. Speculation is dangerous in these situations, and I have to keep some thoughts in check. Regardless, there are a couple people I have yet to talk to about it. Gaging subtleties in responses is really the best thing short of a police warrant...
Weekend was alright... I notice that's more or less what my journal is coming down to, just assessing how my weekend goes.

Anyhow, on Saturday night went and saw a musical called Urinetown with Lillie and Larry. The moniker was deliberately ridiculous, as the play poked fun at a lot of theatre conventions, as well as (while having mostly socialist undertones... i don't want to hear it from you guys!) satirizing all sides of the political spectrum. I was skeptical but I really enjoyed it.

After that and watched the rest of UFC 78 at my friend, but the fights were nothing to be enthused about. And even after after that, I went to the remnants of an... acquaintances party. Generally a waste of time, but eh.

Helped Blake and his mom move out of her place on Sunday. 12 hours, was pretty busy mostly due to poor planning and Blake and his mom being unable to help much. Also, having the laundry room set up being on the second floor of a house is the stupidest fucking thing of all time, especially when the washing machine is not drained. I have no clue how I didn't lose my fingers getting it down the stairs... or with moving around that huge TV.

Ending this on a side note... At work, they replaced the regular trash cans with those with the openings on the side, as opposed to being open on the top like most. As a result, they have killed most of my fun. Productivity is up. : (

That's not good with Christmas coming.

Saw American Gangster last night with a friend of mine, it wasn't bad. She and I stayed in the parking lot talking for a couple hours. We came in second place out of three couples to see who would stay the longest chatting.

Had a busy day today. Had dinner with a friend then just walked around Waterford perusing. That's never been my style but I managed to buy a DVD and book. Also went to Barney's and had my first latte, despite the disappointment in myself. I was trying to have some hot chocolate for f's sakes!

After that we went back to my place to hang out and place some Cranium with my roommates. I told them I planned on moving as soon as possible and they didn't like that. They did spend most of the time being chatty cathys and giving me romantic advice that was pretty stupid. Most of it consisted of telling me to try and hook up with a girl that is my friend's girlfriend... I'll shrug it off because they're my friends, but that still makes me disappointed.

Regardless, no focus on the negatives. I do that entirely too much. People use that on me like a stigma, as if I choose to just be unhappy or whatever. Today was good.

Boozes to snoozes. Sleep time.

Last night when I got off of work, I was surprised with a student playing the saxophone near the Reflection Pond. The sound was upbeat, but cynical.  It was too perfect given the coolness of the night and the dampness of the grass so I sat down and took it all in.   It was something I would have never asked for but I wish it would happen again. I was glad to be reminded of what it's like to enjoy solitude.


So I applied and got accepted to USF, so now I'm wondering what I'll do come the time my lease runs out. I'll take online courses or stay with my friend Kara in Tampa until Fall comes around but then where to? Give me some suggestions.


Turn down the skwokbocks, time for sleep.

So my friend John came over and played games with me. Now I'm listening to Bryan Adams and posting on LiveJournal. What a country.

Quite a jump, I guess. It's funny to mirror the hyper competitive male aspect with the seemingly more feminine aspect of posting what you think/feel. This music ain't helping I guess. That or talking to ex-girlfriends on AIM.

Either way... it's better than doing what I spent a lot of my time doing in the past year. Too much thinking and too much feeling bad about things I can't control.

Anywayyyyy, Wal Mart's calling my name. They have some tasty tasties, even at this hour.

1. Get up early to drive my car into the shop on (potentially) the last day I have the warranty from the last repair? - No. But not really my fault.

2. Get to the costume shop. - No, not yet.

3. Not suck. - Yes.

4. Get a fedora or trench coat. - Nope. AHEM.

5. Get enough sleep. - Laff.

6. Work out. - Not for the past week.

Something unsettling on finishing a list on 6 but it'll have to do. If the skies fill with fire today, you know who to blame. Just the same, you deal with it.

Tell your mom to shut up... It might be crazy but it is not illegal in most places! Plus, she might even do it.

My dominant eating hand is my right hand. My dominant driving hand is my left hand. Coincidence? I think not.

Star buttons, not tub rats.

Fruit or vegetables don't belong in cream cheese. By reading this, you agree.

DuBois was wrong. Magic, realism, it's all interchangeable if you wear 3D glasses.

... Hour 31 still coming.

So I didn't go to sleep last night, which is something I used to do way too much. I stopped doing it not too long ago, kinda hard to fuck around to that degree when people actually expect you to get things done.

Thing is, now I stay up late and don't do anything productive. There used to be a time where I would write or build something, do something productive. Postulate some cynical devise or strategy to aid me down the road.

Actually, as of late, I've been hit with an onslaught of story ideas. I've been writing them down, along with jokes that come to me, but haven't worked on them yet. That's my new hobby. I guess everyone's allowed to have one vice.

So in the mean time, I'll spend my time letting my mind wander to women I don't understand, dreams that will never be, and super heroes.